As we embark upon the holiday season, there are some us who are not looking forward to the holidays. Some of us are not excited about seeing people, cooking dinner, watching football games, buying gifts, attending church, or even getting out of bed. The pain and disappointment of loss is so painful to bear. Time has not made things better. Time has actually extended the length of time in pain and suffering. There have been no words or actions that have alleviated the tears and sorrow.
For some, anxiety is building. You are concerned about what others may say or think. For some, anger is brewing. You hope no one pushes you to the limit because you are ready to explode. For some, indifference is mounting. You could care less whether they do or don't.
Are you looking forward to the holidays?
0%Yes
0%Somewhat
0%No
We have discovered that life certainly goes on. It does matter that we are without our loved ones, our dreams, and our expectations for our future. Thanksgiving is on it's way along with Christmas and New Year's Eve and Day. Dinners, parties, and celebrations of all kind are being planned and attended as if we did not experience our loss. As if, we did not experience the miscarriage or stillbirth. As if, our child was never conceived. There is often no acknowledgement of the loss. No one says the child's name. No one asks how we are doing. No one considers remembering the child with words and/or gifts.
As time moves on, let me encourage you to take care of you during the holiday season. It is absolutely ok to grieve your loss. Just because it's Thanksgiving does not mean you can not feel what you feel when you feel it. You get to to choose how you will enter this season of the year. Life may not be all you want it to be. You can still choose to be content no matter your circumstances. You can choose JOY. Here are some suggestions on CHOOSING JOY during the holidays.
1. Let me caution you not to isolate yourself. It is at times of loss that we need support. Your support may come from your family and friends or from complete strangers. There are support groups available that are meeting in person and virtually. Click here to join Journey to Joy, my Facebook support group.
9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone?12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
2. Consider finding ways to honor and remember your child. Write them a letter or poem. Create a video that may include pictures if you have them. Purchase a keepsake such as an ornament or stocking.
Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4
3. Find a professional to talk to. Therapy works. There is healing that occurs when you share your story and feelings in a safe place. Click here to search for a therapist.
Where there is no counsel, the people fall;
But in the multitude of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14
4. Be mindful of what you read, watch, and listen to. Feed your spirit good things. Read the Word of God. Listen to uplifting music. Consider purchasing my new book entitled Getting to Joy where I share my journey of discovering joy despite infertility, miscarriage, and stillbirth.
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8
It is my hope that you will know that you are not alone. This journey may be hard at times, but it is also doable with the love and support from community. Tacole Robinson Ministries is available to serve you through prayer and connection. Click here to schedule an appointment.
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